My little one was born on Sept 12th at 7:04 in the morning. Besides having to be induced for hyper tension about 10 days before her “Due date”, everything went so smoothly. 6 hours of labor, that I slept through thanks to my epidural. Only 30 minutes of pushing, barely any stitches, and hardly any pain. She has been a wonderful joy to my life and my families life. Especially because she has come at a time where my family really needs the joy of her face and smiles. And for that we are all so grateful.
Getting back to work at home, and having a routine has been hard. I normally work full time but I also do Nimbi. Before I just did Nimbi when I’d get home from work and on the weekends, as I had free ones. Currently, I am on an extended disability, after my Maternity leave ended (6 weeks), so now I have an additional 6 weeks of leave because I had an unexpected complication after pregnancy, that resulted in me having Congestive Heart Failure or Peripartum (Postpartum) Cardiomyopathy. After bringing Fiona home I was having a lot of problems breathing and catching my breath. Everything felt like a lot of effort and I couldn’t lay down because it just constantly felt like someone was sitting on me. I called my OB and asked about the symptoms, and she told me to go to the ER. My Dad drove me so that my Fiance could stay home with the baby who was barely 4 days old at this point. I was so winded from walking from the front door of the ER to the front desk, I signalled to my Dad to explain what was happening, because I couldn’t catch my breath enough to even speak.
They rushed me in back, took a ton of tests, hooked me up to an EKG, IVs and found that my lungs had a ton of fluid in them. They put me on lasix to try to get me to extract the water from my body. I’m now on two blood pressure medications (safe with nursing), (my blood pressure was 187/115) and I now have to weigh myself and take my blood pressure every morning. In 4 days at the hospital, I lost almost 30 lbs in just fluids! Since I’ve been home I’ve lost an additional 10 lbs. I feel extremely better now. But its been scary. I have another Echo done in December to find out if my heart has recovered and if I am back to normal. I’m hoping that it will show that, so that I can have more kids down the road. God I hope it comes back normal.
Obviously, I don’t and didn’t expect to be back to work on Nimbi stuff for at least a month or so…and I’ve been slowly tackling messages and projects as I have time between, nursing, changing diapers, rocking a crying baby and napping, while also trying to find time to eat and visit with my family. I’m just now, with Fiona at almost 10 weeks this week, am feeling like I have some sort of schedule and rhythm to my days. It’s not perfect…things change on a whim, and what I had planned to do can totally change in a second. But it’s just part of my new life.
I so badly would love to do Nimbi full time. That way I could be at home with my baby, meet with wedding vendors around Portland, work on projects, blog, and just build on my brand. I am working towards it. Because I think it’s what will make me the most happy. But when that happens, I’m not 100% sure yet. Life has ways of making you see the big picture and realize that some dreams need to wait a little longer than you ideally want. But that other dreams may come a little sooner. I know that this has been the case for me a lot this year.
Fiona is amazing. She’s smiling and growing. She sleeps EXTREMELY well (thank you sleeping fairies for helping her dream away). Which has been great for me since I need the rest myself and it gives me thankfully a little time here and there between her naps to relax, nap, eat, clean the house or work.
Now with a very important and wonderful new variable in my life, I need to now find a rhythm to my working. I’ve allowed myself to expect more time on projects because, well…frankly I don’t always know what each day will be like, so I need to accept that, and I appreciate my clients who accept and understand that as well. So I now go into my projects giving my clients clear expectations of what they can expect and when. As Fiona gets older and can start to entertain herself and as I go back to my full time job at the beginning of the year, I will need to probably adjust this potentially again. But I’m ok with it. I love working on Nimbi, I love being a mom, and I love my job.
Life is just about balance. I deal with a lot of anxiety, and have panic attacks quite frequently. So I’m needing to balance my life, without causing myself too much anxiety. Allowing myself the time to relax, and not stress. Especially with my heart failure and high blood pressure. All I can do is adjust. I’m sort of looking at this all as a sign that I need balance in my life. That I need to not stress out over things and that I need to be able to spend time with my new daughter and her daddy and be a family. That I need to spend more quality time with my own family. Those are the most important things in my life right now. And honestly…should always be. Sometimes we need a reminder, because we let things like work and not important things that may feel important in the moment take over our lives.
I am so thankful for my fiance, and what he teaches me everyday. Sometimes, SOMETIMES, I need to remind him of his own words. But its because of him, that I feel as happy as I do today. Having him as a support system for me, and just caring so much for me and our daughter and life together…what more could a girl want out of life? (Lucky me I get a great chef on top of it! 😉 )
So now, as my new gorgeous daughter sleeps in my office all cuddled in her blanket…I sit down to write what’s been on my mind. Im so excited about my future and what’s down the road. I know there will be bumps, I know it wont always feel perfect, or be perfect, but thats ok. I’m so in love. I am a partner. I am a working mom. I am an entrepreneur. I am a creative. I am me. So I am happy.